Moving Beyond Fear

Fear guards our comfort zones. Fear wants us to stay “safe and sound” and avoid discomfort, hurt and failure. Feeling safe in our misery is less scary than heading into the unknown. The downside of staying “safe and sound” is that we become bored, restless or miserable. Life becomes one day just like another. We ask: “Is this all there is?”

Meanwhile, our true selves, are clamoring for more. The “me” inside that feels powerful and inspired, tells us that there IS more to life. Sometimes we know what we want, sometimes we don’t. We just know where we are right now is not working.

We have a choice. We can remain in our safety net until some event forces us to react (e.g., job or relationship loss, illness, empty nest, retirement). Or, we can accept that feeling fear is merely a part of being human. There is no point in allowing fear to paralyze us. If we are to move forward, fear will come and go. We can feel fear move through our body, release it and move forward. Fear is simply a human condition.

Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Activities
To demystify fear and eradicate its hold on our lives, we need to understand how we manifest it. Fear doesn’t always look like fear, so we must know what it looks like for us. Refer to the list below and see how you express your fear. Then practice the corresponding strategy to allow fear release to its grip.

Does my fear show itself through:

My expectations of myself or others? Do I have hidden expectations of myself (“I have to do it right or not at all,” “I’m the only responsible one,” I don’t have any time for me.”) or of others (“She should know that I need…,” “I’ve never said so, but…) that I have not admitted to myself? or told the other person?
Strategy: Set and say daily positive intentions. Intention places the responsibility on you, not on the understanding or impulse of another. You take back your power when you let go of pent-up expectations of self and others.
Examples: “I am powerful and able to take care of my needs.” “I help myself and others with my unique talents.” “I ask for help when I need it.”

By complaining? blaming? playing victim?
“I don’t have enough time or money.” “My boss does not notice my work.” “My spouse doesn’t help with the kids, so I can’t…”
Strategy: Create a gratitude or abundance journal. Write in it every day. This strategy will help you bring attention to what you do have rather than on what you do not have. Being grateful for what we already have propels us forward.

Through excuses? This is the “If only, then I…” syndrome. We stay stuck because we have a ready excuse for why we don’t have what we want.
Strategy: Create a life log. Every 30-60 minutes, reflect on what you were doing for the last 30-60 minutes. Briefly write it down. After 21 days, the life log shows how you really spend time. The log confirms what you are really committed to doing and being.

By beating yourself up? The negative chatterbox in your head talks at a mile a minute, ruthless and unforgiving with criticism. This destructive self-talk erode any self-confidence.
Strategy 1: Develop a habit of acknowledging yourself every day for 5-10 things that you did, even if you have to start with acknowledging yourself for getting up out of bed on time. Over time, acknowledgements build self confidence and subdue the negative chatter.
Strategy 2: Develop a signal or cue to stop relentless negative self-talk. Consciously and simply say: “STOP. Instead I choose to acknowledge myself for….” Replace each criticism with something positive about you.


Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. Eddie Rickenbacher